I started back to work after a 3 month maternity leave, and I'm overwhelmed. I feel like there is an impossible standard of superhumanity that I'm supposed to achieve now. I don't have the option of staying at home with my son. (It's been discussed, but unless something changes in the next couple months with our circumstances, I'm not going to do it.) So I'm learning to juggle a full-time job, spend enough time with my son, clean bottles, do laundry, shower, and make time for my dream career--being a writer. I'm also in mourning of my grandma, dad, and a friend who all passed away in the last year.
Who wouldn't be overwhelmed?
I have the incredible need to organize my time so that I don't waste any effort on things that aren't worthwhile. I want to be with my son as much as possible, but worry that this makes me one of those obsessive, weird moms. I'm having a really hard time with leaving him to go back to work, and feel like that makes me weak. I work in an office, and American business culture says I should have the desire to be at the company at least 5 days a week and should be fighting for overtime and working my way to the top. If there is a choice between work and family, you'd better choose work. The common theme of all my reviews is that I haven't been as ambitious as expected. They don't realize I am one of the most ambitious people in that whole freaking place.
I've decided to stop worrying about contests for now. All my short stories are going to be submitted to magazines, unless I happen to have something ready by the next deadline for Writer's Digest. I'm starting my writing class again, and I write non-fiction for that. I'm also working on my novel. I have had one dream come true, having a child of my own, which I never thought would happen for me. And he has inspired me even further to fulfill my other dream of being a writer.
